It is 35 years today since Dad’s last day, and he would now be 99 years old. I spent part of today with my surviving sister; luckily the sun was shining and we were able to eat outside at Marine Point. Eating outside would be unusual for Dad, and he would never know Marine Point – in 1986 the large open air Bathing Pool was still there, and the Marine Lake was larger.
The world that Dad knew, especially in his home town, is also much different from that today. New Brighton, upon which his own grandfather had some influence over 110 years ago, has changed greatly, with the new properties around the Marine Lake, and the fairly recent Ian Fraser Walk, would not have been known to Dad. Opposite, the Queens Royal Hotel still stands vacant, with plans for new apartments and accommodation. In Dad’s own road, Grove Road, his former home, outside which he died, has been heavily renovated through an excellent programme. The Grove House Hotel, which Dad often visited, where he attended my wedding reception, and both his and Mum’s funeral “wakes” were held, has also been closed. Dad’s former business premises carry no trace of his involvement, while the Hotel Victoria, location of his own wedding reception and many Rotary and other social events, was demolished 16 years ago.
I have noted elsewhere other disappearing places in Dad’s Wirral, but although these prompt moderate regret, what does continue to shine are my feelings for him. I have heard so many times of “time the great healer” of grief, but what has changed since the anguish of 1986 is the stabilisation of regret. Even the slow melting down of places that reminded me of him has not increased these regrets. I continue to find out more about Dad, as new sources arise, and memories continue to be excavated. For me, this brings Dad closer and holds back the increasing distance in time.
Before meeting my sister, I went to wash down the bench at Ian Fraser Walk that has been dedicated to Mum and Dad; despite some fading to one component, it has survived intact. Later my wife and I returned to put flowers on this and the adjacent bench. In the three years since these benches were placed, many of the niches have been filled by benches, providing a significant public amenity. I like to think that Dad would have approved.
In the afternoon, I led an online discussion of “the virtues of temperance” for a Philosophy in Pubs group (Dad would find the whole idea of this incomprehensible!). I became temperance myself in September 1986, so it is over 35 years since I last consumed alcohol. Alcohol had caused some problems, perhaps best forgotten, in Dad’s family, but I had not decided to become temperance because of any personal problems with alcohol; I just decided to try abstinence. I did not discuss it with Dad, but Mum always said that he was pleased by my decision. As was I – had I continued to drink alcohol I suspect the shock of his death would have led to me to find solace in alcohol, and this might have become habitual.
I should stress, as I did with the discussion group, that I do not advocate temperance for anyone else, and would be greatly opposed to any sort of prohibition, as would Dad, who was a moderate drinker. The group came to no definite conclusion (there is no need to do so) but my continued abstinence and associated motives seem to have been accepted.
11 October 2021
Joseph P J Boughey Remembered 